Title: Less a Day
Author: M-A.
Rating: Adult.
Genre: Drama.
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski.
Notes: TYK to Danni for the beta, to Sylvie for the title, and to VB for sending me good vibes about this piece.
Ben gets out today. Finally. Just glad he got a year minus a day so he could stay in Cook County. Better place for him than Joliet. Safer.
He took my advice and tried to be a trouble maker. Well, as much as Ben could be a trouble maker, of course. To show the other inmates not to fuck with him and get the guards to keep a closer eye on him. Got the results we wanted; Ben gets out today and he's okay.
Every week, I've been going to visit him. Fifty-two visits. He just gets thinner and sadder and quieter, but he swears that he's okay. I think he's just trying to make the best of this mess, to get through it with as few scars as possible.
Last week, I left him some clothes and he's wearing them today. Just jeans and a flannel shirt and they're real loose on him. When he comes out, he's carrying a crumpled paper bag. I know he's got some books in there and probably not much else.
We don't talk until we're in the car and driving home. I think we're both lost in our own worlds, trying to figure out how to make them mesh again.
He talks first. "I've missed you, Ray."
I take my eyes off the road to answer. "I've missed you, too, Ben."
We get home and it's like he was never gone. He unpacks then heads for the shower. I hear the water run for a long time, then the apartment gets quiet. He comes out wearing sweats and asks me if I'm hungry. I am, so he fixes lunch.
We eat grilled cheese sandwiches and drink coke. We know we either have a hell of a lot to talk about or nothing at all. He's home and we're both in one piece. That's priceless.
He says that he's tired so he goes to lie down and I go with him, to hold him as he falls asleep. Soon as my arm goes around him, he starts to cry. I take him against my shoulder and rub his back. He just says one thing over and over and over again. "It was worth it, Ray, it was worth it."
Worst thing is, I think he's right.
Ben finally falls asleep and I tuck the comforter around him. I think about what he said as I go back into the living room.
It wouldn't have happened if I was a woman, if Ben wasn't gay. All that stuff about him being a cop who should have known how strong he was, all that shit about him being a walking weapon was a crock of bull. If I'da been a woman, he would be a hero, not a criminal.
The story was splashed over the news for weeks until the state got a conviction. I didn't keep any of the papers, but I remember the headlines.
