Title: Understanding Wastelands Author: Neth. Rating: Adult. Genre: Character study, Drama. Pairing: Pre-slash Fraser/Kowalski. Notes: He hadn't understood then, couldn't have. But he'd learnt differently and life was taking a new turn. RayK PoV, Post-CotW. I got this idea after watching the episode for the first time, and having seen it about ten times now it's slightly different to how I was going to write it, but still the same story. Beta read by K M Anderson, so thanks! I don't own due South, or anything in it. "We're a hundred miles from no where. In a frozen wasteland, and you're grinning like an idiot." "I'm home." When he'd first heard that, he didn't understand. Couldn't understand, never thought he would. He was a Chicago flatfoot, a cop from a major American city where there were cars, skyscrapers and grass. He was used to colour and sounds that were in your face. This place...Canada, Fraser's home wasn't like that, it was white. A great big wasteland of white. Or so he'd thought, anyway. He'd gone chasing over Canada looking for the guy who'd killed Fraser's mom, climbed a mountain and fallen in a hole whilst doing it mind you. And he'd learnt differently, that he'd been wrong about this place. That seemed to happen a lot around Fraser, come to think of it. But now, he looked out at the same landscape and didn't see that, didn't see some empty field but...he saw life. There was colour here too, there was sound, and if he was going to be honest with himself this was starting to become home. Stranger things had happened. At the start though, it had been different and he was just plain cold and annoyed at the three different countries arguing over what to do. It had been him and his best friend, who'd finally managed to tell him that, yes, they were still partners and friends. Going off on an adventure together, to find a hand. And, frankly, to spend time together. They'd stocked up and stayed out there on the snow, alone, for a month before going near anything close to a town. Day went by and he got used to the cold, didn't shiver or squint as much. And when he'd stopped squinting he'd started to see; the trees were green, the sky was blue and the snow wasn't just white. But, he'd still missed home in some part of his head. Missed the smog and the cars, the pizza and the sport TV. That was a long time ago now. Seemed like a long time any way, was only a year actually. How Fraser had ever kept himself on time in the place where time didn't seem to make much sense? Not a clue. But that wasn't the point, the point was that this place...the north of Canada wasn't what he thought it was, and he could understand what Faser'd said back then. It could be a home, it was a home to so many people. He didn't know how the guy had stood all those years in Chicago after growing up here, how he could live in a city for so long with out going nuts. Not that the man wasn't a freak anyway. And, to be honest, he didn't know how he'd manage if he went back to live there. They'd come to the end of their journey, finished the adventure and their holiday time was over. The RCMP had told Fraser that he was back on duty, if he wanted to stay a Mountie, and he didn't have to go back to the consulate. Not after all he'd done in the past year - he was in their good books again. Which posed a problem. Fraser could go back to Chicago with him, work at the consulate and everything would be back to normal, or as it close as it could get with all the recent developments. It wasn't fair though. He'd been out here now, twelve months of open space and Fraser-land. He'd seen that grin on his face when they'd arrived, and he'd seen him homesick fishing on a fish-less lake. He couldn't do that again, not to his best friend, a man closer to him than he'd ever thought possible. It'd be a death sentence. And he'd told him as much. Fraser, you had to love the guy, Fraser had looked at him with confused eyes, probably never expecting him to say this. Hoping, sure, but expecting? Ray doubted he'd let himself expect anything like that. But life went on, and Fraser requested a post on a small, but not too small town in the far north where he could go on patrols for a few days at a time and Ray could have hot showers and watch TV if he really needed to. Which he didn't these days, something that had surprised him once he'd realised it. It hadn't been such a shock was when the request was accepted and they made their way there, happy as two peas in a pod that were never going to get eaten. They'd found a house to rent together, Ray got a job and Fraser signed in for duty. The only thing left was to call his family in Chicago, and Lt. Welsh. He'd been living in Canada all this time, land of the polite, being rude like this just wasn't right. "Lt. Welsh here." "Hi, it's Ray. Kowalski." "It's only been a month, a bit early for checking in." "Yeah. Thing is sir, I'm not checking in, I'm checking out." "Detective, did you just say what I thought you did?" "I'm resigning sir, from the force. I've got the paperwork, going to get the green card up here in Canada and I'm gonna come down to collect my stuff soon, but I'm resigning." "And moving to Canada, with Fraser." "Yes sir. You'll get the fax soon." "They've got faxes up there in the snow?" "Yeah, but like I said, I'll be down soon. I just uh, I just thought I should let you know now. I know it sounds strange, but it's not...I'm not going to get into it on the phone or nothin'. Look, I gotta call my parents, and you'll see me in a week." "I'll see you then. Goodbye Detective Kowalski." "Bye sir." And that was that, no going back even if he'd wanted to. This was home, Canada, snow and the cold. Wastelands and all. It was strange that he could see this place as home now. In some ways though, it was stranger that he'd ever seen it as a wasteland, he could understand Fraser's comments now. So, getting ready for a battle, former detective Stanley Raymond Kowalski called his parents, waiting for a shouting match he knew would come. Sitting in his house in Canada, with his best friend and partner, because he couldn't imagine anything different now. This was home.